Resilience is the ability to cope with difficult or challenging experiences without them overwhelming you. It is about robust coping skills that support rather than hinder you.
As your kids face their mock exams a healthy dose of resilience will be hugely beneficial.
But how do you help your child build their resilience to face their exams feeling strong and knowing they CAN cope?
In my new book Be Resilient Be You I share lots of strategies to help teens gain and strengthen their resilience and these strategies relate to both their thoughts and actions.
Resilience isn’t something a teen has or doesn’t have – its not innate, it is a skill they can learn. Here’s how you can help.
Incentivise their study
Because mocks aren’t their ‘real exams’ teens may not feel hugely motivated to study.
Short term incentives however have great power to motivate! In fact it is well worth encouraging your teen to book in ‘small rewards’ after blocks of revision are completed
According to psychologists who have studied the power of incentives t it is helpful to
1. Create rewards that are meaningful / enjoyable (do they love a hot choc? A 30 min chat with their bestie? Baking with you?)
2. Make regards that achievable (encouraging your teen to take a hot choc break after an hour of study is FAR more motivating than after 4 hours.)
It will be easier for them to stay focused and on track with their revision if they know WHEN they finish THEN something nice is in store. Using WHEN and THEN when your teen has something tough to face will encourage them to see it through.
Help them stay on track with a to do list
Research has shown that people almost always perform better when they write down the details of what they need to do. The satisfaction of ticking off a task is so motivating it has been found to spur people on to achieve the next task. So support your young student with a to do list notebook, ask them what they have planned in for the day and encourage them to tick off tasks when done. To do have been shown to reduce overwhelm and stress because they ensure is a plan is in place.
Practical help
Breaking down study tasks into manageable chunks with regular breaks makes them more achievable. Colouring the revision slots completed in on a planner helps a teen see what they have achieved and that in itself helps them feel stronger and more confident. So you why not help your child out by investing in a planner and some highlighter pens to boost their confidence and organisation skills?
It is important your teen also schedule in breaks to rest and relax, eat well and hydrate. They will not work to their potential if they are not in their best shape and sitting hunched over a desk, living on junk food and forgetting to drink will not aid their study. Encourage them to schedule in time outs, refill their water bottle and get in some of their favourite healthy snacks!
Regular sleep is also really important and whilst it is difficult to enforce with a teen do let them know that during sleep their brain consolidates their learning so its an essential good study habit. A healthy resilient body leads to a healthy resilient mind.
And could you test them? It can be lonely studying, and a bit of company and moral support goes a long way. Plus being able to show all they know to someone else will help your child feel more capable and competent.
Foster a growth mindset
If your teen is feeling overwhelmed or stuck, they might well say things like ‘I’m going to fail,’ ‘it makes no sense’ or ‘it’s too hard for me, there’s no point trying’ This kind of fixed mindset leads to negativity and limits their progress.
If you teen feels like this try and encourage them to foster a growth mindset instead, one that believes in their power to progress no matter how hard the challenge. YET can be a useful word here. ‘I don’t know this YET so what might help me?’ is a much more constructive way to view things. Help them, by your example, stay solution focused and know they can move forward with problem solving and effort.
Perhaps they need to ask their teachers for clarification if they are struggling or get a study buddy or do more past papers? Mind map together what could push them past their block.
Be cool and encouraging
We all learn differently, and your child may learn best through quizzes, YouTube videos or even by listening to podcasts. The world of study has vastly changed over the last 10 years, so don’t just assume because they aren’t slumped over a book they aren’t engaged. Your belief in them will help them believe in themself.
Try and convey positivity when you talk to them about their mock exams and let them know you believe they can handle it. Emotions are contagious so if you are cool calm confident and collected about these mocks the likelihood is they will be too.
Help your teen prepare for exam day
1. Encourage them to prep all the equipment they need a week in advance so missing items like calculators and clear pencil cases may be sourced.
2. Help them learn a few simple breathing techniques to calm their body and mind if they feel panicky in their exam.
3. Encourage them to get to school well ahead of time on the day having had time for breakfast.
We all feel more resilient when we aren’t late or in a last minute rush and a calmer mind has been proven to be almost 30% more intelligent than a stressed mind so it’s definitely worth ensuring your teen is prepared ahead of time.
And finally, if they don’t get the results they want ..
Do remind your teen mocks are a practice run and not the real thing. So, if they haven’t gone so well in certain areas tell them not to panic. Instead encourage them to see this as useful information that they need to focus more on certain topics or access some learning support before their final exams.
I wish you all luck during exam season – may you be extra specially kind and patient with each other!