This article has been written by parenting author and blogger Becky Goddard-Hill.
When starting a new school, there are so many new things to take on board. A different route to get there, an unfamiliar environment to navigate, new people to meet and rules to follow, new clothes to wear and hard work ahead.
Evens adults find transitions tricky, but do, at least, have experience under their belt. For a child who has dealt with very few transitions in their life, this can be exceptionally daunting.
So, what helps?
Share experiences
Sharing positive experiences about the times you changed schools may encourage your child to look forward. Expressing the nerves you also experienced will help them see it is normal to feel a little worried.
If you have a friend’s child who recently school transitioned and enjoys their new school, why not ask them to talk to your child too.
Stay solution focussed
Pre-transition your child may share a plethora of worries, and it is important to hear and validate them. But it’s also important that you troubleshoot these quickly so your child’s anxiety does not grow.
For example.
If they are worried about getting to school, explore their options and do a practice run.
If they are worried about forgetting their PE kit, consider a back-up bag they can keep in their locker (schools often have second-hand clothing sales and this is the perfect place to get an inexpensive second kit).
Practicality reduces anxiety so do stay solution focussed.
Be prepared
Knowing the basic structure of each day, the route to school, expectations around uniform and behaviour will provide an anxious child with a framework of security.
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Gather information about the new school. Visit the school, classrooms and meet their teacher if possible.
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Try to get a copy of their timetable in advance.
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Purchase and practice wearing the uniform (including shoes) and get all equipment needed in advance.
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Plan/practice the morning routine.
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Label everything!
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Create a visual calendar for all things school-related so nothing gets missed.
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Determine a place to keep keys, bags, bus passes and homework, to reduce any last-minute panic.
If you feel calm and in control, your child will too. Being well-prepared and well-organised benefits everyone.
Communicate with the school
Let the school know ahead of time your child is anxious and ask them how they can help. Opening lines of communication early will help reassure you and your child that strategies are in place.
Help your child develop robust coping strategies
Whilst you cannot take away your child’s anxiety completely, you can help them develop coping skills.
Worry time
A specific time to worry is beneficial for a child who feels overwhelmed.
Knowing that at 6pm they have your attention to vent their worries or a time slot to write them down, can help them park their worries for a while. Worry-time works to compartmentalise concerns so that they don’t completely dominate their day.
Breathing
Calming the body is great way to calm the mind. Taking deeper breaths will slow a child’s heart rate and settle their nervous system, sending more oxygen to their brain and reducing their sense of panic.
Try various exercises to see which work for them.
For younger children this works well.
Have your child imagine they are holding a flower, take a big sniff of the flower and hold for a count of three. Then breathe out slowly through the mouth for a count of four. Do this until they feel calmer.
Remind them to use their breath whenever they need to relax.
Counting
When a child uses their thinking brain their emotional brain gets a chance to settle. Counting slowly up to 20 and back down to , is a great way to reduce emotional overwhelm and an easy strategy for children to practice and recall.
I urge you to experiment and practice anxiety-reducing strategies to find out what works for them. Knowing HOW to calm down will give them a sense of control.
Look at the positives
And don’t forget to help your child focus on the excitement of the new experiences ahead rather than dwell on their worries … might there be a play? a chance to try new sports? make new friends?
Remind them how they have coped with hurdles in the past. Recalling their ability to cope is a powerful way to help your child feel stronger.
A final note
If your child’s anxiety is out of control, you may want to access some talking therapy for them. So, speak to the school about counselling services or visit your GP. Some kids need a little extra help.